Презентация - College humour 1

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College humour
Екатерина Воронина, учитель английского языка ГБОУ СОШ 77 с углублённым изучением химии

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Prof. “Can you tell me anything about the great chemists of the 17th century?” Stud. “They are all dead, sir.”
At a college examination a professor said: “Does the question embarrass you? “Not at all, sir,” replied the student, “not at all. It is the answer that bothers me.”

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Prof.: “Before we began the examination are there any questions?” Stud.: “What’s the name of this course?”
Medical prof.: “What would you do in the case of a person eating poisonous mushrooms?” Stud.: “Recommend a change of diet.”

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“Our economics professor talks to himself. Does yours?” “Yes, but he doesn’t realize it. He thinks we’re listening.”
English prof.: ”What is the difference between an active verb and a passive verb?” Stud.: “An active verb shows action and a passive verb shows passion.”

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A son at college wrote his father: “No mon, no fun, your son.” The father answered: “How sad, too bad, your dad.”
“Where have you been for the last four years?” “At college taking medicine.” “And did you finally get well?”

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Children

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Mother: ”Tommy, the canary has disappeared.” Tommy: “That’s funny. It was there just now when I tried to clean it with the vacuum cleaner.”
Uncle Bob: “Well, Frankie, what are you going to do this vacation?” Frankie: “Last year I had mumps and chicken-pox. This year I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

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“Herbert,” said the mother to her six-year old son, ”is it possible that you are teaching the parrot slang?” “No, mamma,” replied Herbert. “I was just telling him what not to say.”
Teacher: “What have the expedition to the North Pole accomplished?” Jimmy: “Nothin’ ‘cept to make the geography lessons harder.”

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“What’s the shape of the earth?” asked the teacher of Johnny. Johnny said it was round. “How do you know it is round, Johnny ?” Then Johnny replied: “All right, it’s square, then, I don’t want to start an argument about it.”
A school teacher who had been telling a class of small pupils the story of the discovery of America by Columbus ended with: “And all this happened more than 500 years ago.” A little boy, his eyes wide open with wonder, said after a moment’s thought: “Gee! What a memory you’ve got.”